Are you there?

*I made this post a week ago, I was going to edit it because it was too long. Today, I reread it and I remembered this is for my journal and this is how I feel. So please bear with the long post*

I almost made a post about the bad luck I have had and how the 3rd one struck, but I had an eye opening moment. As some of my friends know my life has changed from the plan I had in my head.

On the day before school started, my friend asked me to watch her two girls two mornings before school because she has to work. With 5 kids, our mornings have been known to be hectic. As you can imagine: Luke (2 yrs) please stop crying. Time to practice the piano. I need to do your hair. Please change your outfit, it isn't winter. Eat your breakfast. We only eat at the table. Did you put your homework in your bag? Luke I'm sorry, but I can't hold you right now. Make the lunches. Where is the bread? I can't find my shoes. Well, who wore them last? Luke, please don't cry. Why didn't you show me this paper last night? Please don't fight, this isn't the way to start the day. You know the drill. ~OK, it isn't really always like this, but it can be and sometimes worse.~ I explain this to her and hope her girls won't be scared to death. She just needs a place for them to wait before school starts, they will already be fed and ready. Then the kids will walk them to school. OK, we can do this.

Then that night I get a call from my sister. Her daycare fell through and she has no one to watch her girls after school until she gets off work at 7:00 pm. This is the part I was going to write about initially. You know the saying "Since you aren't doing anything anyway." OK, I will leave it at that, because this post isn't heading the way I had hoped. So I have my two nieces every night until 7:30.

Not at all what I had planned for our lives. We were going to go on night hikes when we could, but they won't be up to what we do and we won't be back until later. We read the scriptures and have FHE, they aren't members of our Church. We have piano, cub scouts, activity days and new things we were going to add. There will be homework. We like to be adventurous and take off whenever the mood or opportunity arises. I was looking forward to many fun outings. But my car can't hold us all and 7 kids is more than I can handle in public.

But my biggest worry has been "Will I have enough time for my own kids? Will I be the Mom they need? Do I have enough to give?"

I got a blessing to help me through the immense amount of stress I was feeling. I was told I have a great gift and capacity to love others and that there are many children who need to feel of that love. Oh boy! (I didn't mention how I yell at my kids and the tension can be thick enough to serve for dinner.) I can't remember all of the blessing. I wish I could, but I remember I felt so much love. I couldn't contain the tears as I felt like I was covered in a blanket of love.

I had high hopes for the first day. I got dinner in the crock pot and rice cooker. Did I mention my niece has a strict diet because of health problems? I cleaned the house. Played with Dallin & Luke. We worked on Dallin's writing, alphabet & some phonics. We danced & sang along with Preschool music. I read some favorite books to them and got them down for a nap. This was a perfect setting for a good day!

The girls arrive 30 minutes before my kids get home from school. We talk about their first day of school. Did they like their teachers? Did they make friends? What are they most excited about? Then my kids arrive. They didn't know about their cousins because I wanted them to enjoy everything they could about their first day at school. So they are surprised to find them there. I have three planners thrown at me. I try to ask my kids about their day and I get some quick responses like "It was good." Then they run off to play.

Not much later I hear yelling, see one boy throw a ball at another. We have to talk. They both blame the other. There will be no more of that. Then I hear my child yelling names at someone and go out to talk to him and he is tackling his 4 yr old brother. There is a time out and um, soap in the mouth for being rude. Then after his time out he argues with me and won't listen so back to time out and shown how to respect his Mom. Then yelling again. This time my daughter is upset because Luke won't let her do anything, he misses his sister. Total mayhem breaks out. My niece acts grossed out at what I made for dinner.

I can't handle it. I go put myself in time out. What happened to my good day? This isn't what I had planned. How can I do this? What happened to all of that love I was supposed to give? I can't feel any of it right now.

Then I realized my kids were having a hard time because they didn't get their downtime with their Mom. They didn't get a chance to tell me about their day. They didn't have a chance to say what they needed to say and I didn't have a chance to listen. We tried to pull them each aside and talk to them a little, but it wasn't really the same at all. I was so worn out I went to bed at 8:00. It was the next morning that I learned that my daughter had had a "Rotten, horrible, no good day." She was excluded by her so called friends and played alone each recess. Seriously, it broke my heart, but even more so that she didn't get to tell me the day before. We talked and cried together and then said a prayer together. I thought of her often throughout the day and prayed she had a better day.

I called some friends to talk out my emotions. One of them has done daycare in her home. How does she do it? How does she have enough to give to her own kids? Thank you girls. I needed to talk it out. Let's see how the second day goes.

I again asked questions about my nieces day at school. This time I tried to get more details from my kids, but it was off to piano and get dinner on the table, so there wasn't much time. Somehow it went better. No fighting. They actually LOVED last night's dinner, so there was less hesitancy tonight. Then it was homework time. Thankfully Aaron was there. We had two kids who had homework that took some thought. And then my niece wants to read to us and help her with her homework. This part is going to have to change because I can't be responsible for helping her with homework. I still have other children to care for.

Then this morning was the first day with the other two girls in the morning. The day played out well. The kids did piano, ate breakfast, made lunches, had all papers in backpack. I talked to the girls about school. I did Faith's hair while I talked to them. I saw the one girl who had her hair down looking on longingly. Since I had extra time I braided her hair too. She loved it!

Holy smokes! Maybe I do have some extra love to give. But I have to make sure my well doesn't run dry. I know I can't do this forever. Other arrangements will have to be made, but for now I will try to do my best.

I saw this video and it fit perfectly with what I have learned I need to do to succeed. Each child has to know they are cared about and feel some love so they can be happy. I pray I can do what the Lord is asking me to do. I want to be there. I want to give my kids what they need. To listen and show I care. That they may know they are loved. May they never have to say "Mother Are You There?

Goin Under

Life is good! I want to share my happy news!

No, it is not that I stepped on gum on my way home from Church and had to walk the rest of the way barefoot on the hot cement. Or that I now have blisters on my feet.

It also isn't that we climbed a new peak and that I didn't do nearly as much huffing and puffing. It helped that we only had one child with us. Imagine almost 7 miles of hiking and I still could talk most of the time, no yodeling though. Thank heavens we did the hike before said blisters.


No my HAPPY NEWS is about GOIN UNDER. I have met many goals in my mission to become healthier. But I just hit the biggest one so far. I went under a number I will never see on the scale again. I cried the day I first saw it and then I went on to exceed that number by far. Some of you may be perfect and have never felt that way, but to you, there is an X on the upper right corner of your screen, you may push it now. To the rest, I want to celebrate my joy with you. I couldn't have done it without the support of many of you. Especially my friend, Lindsay, who got me started. Thank you!

I really have to thank my family because their support has been more than I could have hoped for. When I started this journey for better health, they came right along with me. They have adjusted to brown rice, wheat pasta, smaller portions, new recipes, less bread, treats & eating out, more fruits & veggies. And done it with a smile on their face. Now, that may sound like a miserable life, but we have found some of the yummiest food on the planet doesn't have to be bad for you. And we do occasionally indulge. I just ate my favorite Chinese (not good for you) and then got back on plan with a smile. I didn't have to feel guilty because occasional small indulgences are part of life. Enjoy them and then get back to a healthier lifestyle.

Now back to my supportive family. They cheer with me, give me big hugs and high fives as I reach my goals. They see how happy I am and they want me to succeed. Before this last weigh-in, my husband sent me this text. "Go Carina go! I believe in you. You can reach your goal. You can do it! Go team Carina!!!" I didn't know there was a team Carina, but if there is, they are all on it. I love them so much!

Biggest Thanks to Aaron! He is very supportive, he makes healthy meals, doesn't persuade me to eat out too often, and helps me keep the house stocked with healthy choices. He is encouraging!
And takes me hiking to enjoy God's beauty around us and to kick this fat to the curb. I love you Babe! I am glad you are getting healthier too. I want you to be around for a very long time.

Goin Under feels so good! I have been looking forward to this day. I still have a long way to go, but I know I can do it! I am loving the journey. A lifelong journey that will take us to places I never could have gone before.


And the camera lense won't have to be as wide.

A friend asked for pictures recently so here are some.

Above pic was from Christmas (two months before I started)

The picture on left was taken May 1st after I had already lost a happy amount. I remember a friend saying I looked hot.

Well I think the picture of me from yesterday is better.

One day I will post a picture of the finished product, hopefully the dress will fall off and it won't be permissible on this family blog. ;) But today I am thrilled with this.

A Celestial Night

I stayed up to watch the meteor shower last night. The stars were brilliant. Could this really be the view I see in my own backyard? It is beautiful! I had read there would be 60-80 meteors per hour. That is worth staying up for.

The only meteor shower I had ever seen was yrs ago at Girls Camp as we watched the heavens aglow across Bear Lake. I didn't ever know there was such wonder and beauty in the world. The light show was amazing! It is something I will always remember. I hoped this would be another moment to treasure.


At first I have to admit I was disappointed. I didn't see anything, so I changed views several times because I must be looking in the wrong part of the sky. It took lots of patience. Finally I saw one. It was bright and glorious as it shot across the sky. The heavens are celebrating! There is still good in the world. I wanted to shout for joy and say how stunning it was. But I was alone and felt that way. It was joyous, but it only lasted for a moment.

Shortly after I saw another one. It was small and hard to see, but it would take my breath away and I would want to share it on any regular night. Another small light streak came a few minutes later. It was beautiful, but I was alone. There was no one to share the joy with. I wished my husband didn't need rest to go to work in the morning. I wished my kids weren't all asleep. They would LOVE it! Are those the kind of wishes most people make on shooting stars?

I waited some more hoping to enjoy a beautiful show that I could tell them about in the morning. But the wait was long and the trampoline was getting more and more comfortable and my eyes were getting more and more fuzzy. As my eyes became slits I swore every star was a meteor. I quickly opened my eyes but it wasn't really so. I knew my family would find me on the trampoline in the morning if I didn't go to bed. Then, I saw another one, it was a little more bright than the last two. Four would have to be what I would tell them about in the morning. Off to bed.


I stumbled over a footstool in the bathroom and Spencer who is sleeping on the couch because he has an earache wakes and says "HELLO?" Ugh, I feel bad, but I guess he will sleep better in his bed after all. ~OR~ maybe he will enjoy a few minutes of celestial wonder with me.

We went outside and I had to train him to have a little patience, but we didn't have to wait too long. We saw one and then soon another and another. It was stunning! It was all I dreamed it would be. And sharing it with my son made it that way. We celebrated each streak of light and watched the stars in awe. There was one time when two meteors shot towards each other and the sky illuminated. Can the heavens really be this glorious? Is this really part of our world? Mom, did you see that? Wow, that was cool! As we were about to go in I saw one shoot across the sky as bright and beautiful as the first one I saw. This one was much better though because it was with my son. We only stayed out for about 10 minutes, because it is 1 am and he needs to get to bed. But we saw 8 or more meteors during that time.

Maybe wishes made on shooting stars really do come true after all. And maybe everything in this world is made more beautiful and more special by having someone you love to share it with.

PS Photos aren't mine, but they add so much to the post.

Is it enough?

This is actually a positive place to be, but today I am feeling a little bit of self doubt. Please bear with me as I search for some answers. I have good friends who read my blog and give me some great advice. So that is what I am seeking today.

Is this the time of year that I return to feeling inadequate as a mother? Are my kids smart enough? Are they athletic enough? (Um, not really, they inherited that from me, see other post, but I am trying to help them be more athletic) Are they nice enough? Is their report good enough? Are they artistic enough? Do kids like them enough? Am I doing enough? And now I want to add into this equation, Are they eating good enough?

It is well known that school lunches are not healthy. I have paid for it anyway. It is easy and I have 5 kids, so easy is good. But as we are eating healthier at home, I am starting to wonder. My kids are good at always stopping at the salad bar, loading up on some favs and gobbling it all up. But what about the main entree? I had thought, well this is their only chance to eat pizza, lasagna, mucho nacho, and chili cheese fritos. When I asked my son his favorite lunch at school the last one was his answer. OK, maybe I am going to seriously think about making home lunches.

Aaaaahhhhhhhh! Are you kidding me? I hate the extra work in the morning. I hate the thought of having to make it any fancier than a PB sandwich, carrots, an apple and change for milk. But this isn't really good enough. I mean who wants to eat the same boring meal everyday? Yes, that is why there is some fancy term out there for well balanced and pretty lunches. It is called Bento. I just learned this today. Will my kids be sitting next to someone with this kind of lunch and wonder why their Mom doesn't make them something nice like that. Doesn't she love them enough?



Click on this link, scroll down a little and you will see what I mean. http://www.simplymodernmom.com/




Ok, I admit I do have a heart & dino sandwich cutter, but they don't work well. And I do have a box with 101 cookie cutters, I am not sure if they will be any better. But what do I do with all of the scraps? Does that become my lunch? Mmmmm, crusts for 9 months. I feel myself gaining weight now, realizing I would jump at every chance to eat something with flavor. Do people really make their kids such well balanced fancy meals? Can I do it?

Do your kids eat home lunch? What do you do?

And do you ever feel like it is enough? Whatever IT is.

I am going to try to let go of that this year, but it always seems to plague me. I never knew the stress of being a parent could be so much. But I also had no idea of the blessings. Just try to hold on to those Carina. Hold on to those.

Uh, in rereading this post. I am now concerned that people will think I don't see the talents and gifts of my children. I do. They are wonderful, but there is this stupid beast that comes out when you become a parent. It starts when they are young and someone asks you how much your child weighs, how tall they are, what their motor skills are and you find out there are benchmarks and percentiles. And suddenly this competition to have the best child comes out. I hate that beast. PLEASE GO AWAY!!!

(sorry for using a few of the no-no words in my post, but now you see how strongly I wish it would go away)

You May Think I am a Hiker

You may think I am a hiker when you see all of the places I have been, but what you can't see is on a hike last night I was singing Old McDonald Had a Farm with my 4 yr old in fervent gusto. Suddenly out of nowhere a voice behind me says "Can we go past you, please?" I almost jumped off the mountain, it shocked me so much. I turn around to find two guys on bikes with big smiles. I was singing so loud I hadn't heard them at all. Um, imagine my embarrassment as I remember I was yodeling part of that song. Yeah well, I guess you can't blame a Mom who was trying to motivate her son to keep going, can ya?

You also didn't see when I tripped over, um I am not sure there was anything there, and I landed hard on both knees just before the edge of the dropoff. As you can imagine, I almost wet my pants.

And you definitely didn't see me crying when I was too afraid to come down off of the top of Sugar Loaf Peak, because the rocks were so unstable I knew someone was going to die that day. Thankfully they didn't, but it was the longest hike of my life and it wasn't because of length.

But the best was the time I was following my family huffing and puffing my way up to Grandeur Peak and I began hallucinating. Remember the elevation and breathing funny can do strange things to your mind. I saw the Big Bad Wolf as he saw 6 piggies start up the Mountain, he knew it was time for lunch and this was too good of an opportunity to pass up. So the wolf followed them. He began huffing and puffing and knew he would catch them, but those piggies were much faster than him. One piggie looked back and saw the trouble the wolf was having as she was huffing and puffing. The piggie slowed down a little because of his concern. But no matter what the wolf couldn't catch up. She was determined though, so she continued on, imagining them as pork, oh the many ways I love to have pork. Ham, it is good at any time of year, it doesn't have to be a holiday. Bacon, oh yeah, I haven't had that for a while, well unless you count the time it topped my salad and made it the best salad on earth, still I want more. Pork, ham, bacon....... Yes, the wolf would continue on. Huffing and puffing so much, I think the mountain might blow down. But those little piggies just continue on. More piggies are looking back now and instead of running for their lives they slow down and even stop to wait. Oh yes, those foolish piggies, it is time. I will get you. But as I got closer I realized they weren't piggies and they definitely weren't lunch. They were my family. Sigh, no pork for lunch. Oh well! At least this tale kept me entertained as I moved up the mountain huffing and puffing my way to ..... yes somehow I made it to.... the top.

Ok, maybe I am a hiker after all, but I wouldn't say I am the kind you may think of when you think of people hiking all of the time. I am just somebody trying to enjoy God's creations with my loved ones while getting a kick butt workout too. One day, I hope to be the hiker you think of, but for now I still huff and puff my way to the top. But, no matter what, I do get to the top.

What do you do when you go hiking? Maybe I can learn some tips. 8-)

Spring Pictures

Christian, after he learned how to read and have as many adventures in books as he wants. He still is cute isn't he?

Spencer, after he learned multiplication. I have heard Math is great for the brain, but does it have to accelerate things and make him grow up so quick?

Faith, after she learned history about the Utah Indians and the many counties in Utah. When thinking about our heritage and what others have done to give us what we have, she seemed to grow up over night.


These are some nice pictures of the kids towards the end of the school year. I was thinking it must be the school's fault that my kids are growing up faster than I can blink, but then I remembered something. When asked by Aunt Marie why my kids are growing up so fast. Dallin (4 yr old) said "BECAUSE WE EAT SO FAST." Ha-ha, I guess it is my fault after all. ;)

Spencer's special day!

Spencer was baptized by his Dad on May 1, 2010. Spencer was excited that this day had finally come. He was ready and eager to follow the Savior's example. During the service he was asked why he was being baptized. Without hesitation, he said "Because I want to. I want to follow Jesus and be a good example for my brothers." Many times I was touched by the Spirit and felt emotional and overwhelmed to be part of this special day. He asked me to sing "When I am Baptized" with him, it was hard to get through as I could see tears in others eyes as well.

I am thankful that he has learned so much about our Savior, that he made the decision to be baptized because he wanted to and not because anyone expected it of him.

Spencer, we love you! We are blessed to have you as our son. You give us much joy! You seek to learn all you can and teach us as well. Thank you for being a good example. We had a wonderful day! I hope you will always remember it.

Spencer asked for a figurine to keep in his room to remind him to Choose The Right. My Mom was thrilled to find this one that looked so much like Spencer. It is a great reminder of what will help him the most in his life. And from his other Grandparents he got a gift that will be another valuable tool to guide him, a full set of scriptures. He loves them and uses them often. Thank you for choosing such perfect gifts.

We had a lot of support from family & friends at the baptism, so what do you need when you have lots of people? That is right.... FOOD. So I made Spencer a fun cake to celebrate the day. Why yes, that is Woody. I bet you didn't know he was that kind of hero, did ya? :)

We are thankful for all of those who supported Spencer on his special day. Many came, but we only caught a few on film.

Here is our family with some of Spencer's cousins, Annie & Belle. Their parents, Alex & Heidi were also there.

Our family with my Mom, Aunt Annette, my sisters Kendra & Melissa, my brother Steve, his wife Jen and baby Grayson. My Dad was resting at the time of the picture, but he was there also.

Here is a picture of our family and proof that he really is just a regular 8 yr old boy after all.

This is a much nicer picture of the kids, more what I was hoping for.

And then in true Bennett fashion we had to have a good laugh.

It was a very, very good day!

Isn't it Great, Spencer is 8

Turning 8 is special and we are all very excited to celebrate Spencer's day. Faith made this picture for him. The fishes under the boat are little number 8's. The others drew pictures on paper, which at first I thought was more sensible because they would last longer. I am not sure he has any of those now, but we have this picture of her picture and so it can last forever.

I was busy making his cake while he read in the living room. Last year he helped me, but this year he wanted it to be a surprise. Suddenly the kids start trailing in and making comments. They had NO IDEA what it was, but a frog, owl, snake, leprochaun and other guesses came out of their mouths. Spencer was really sad because he didn't want to know and now he knew it was green. But somehow the kids still didn't know what it was. I was floored because I thought it was turning out so nice. I hurried and invited him in before someone would make the right guess. This was his first reaction

and here is his second. He REALLY liked it and knew what it was immediately.

Can you tell it is a fire breathing dragon???

Spencer we love you! I am glad that you had a Happy Birthday! I will do another post about you and your special day. We are thankful to have you in our family.

Faith is 10 yrs old

I have to tell you how much I love this girl. She makes you feel like you have exceeded all expectations when you have fallen short. She gives you a gift of love that shows that all you have done is more than enough.

Houston, we have a problem. My skirt doesn't go all the way to my waist. I want to cry. It has never been in fashion to have your bum hanging out (And I do include all of those boys who can't figure out how to buy the right size of pants) I quickly get to work to make the repairs. It isn't really that big of a deal, I will just add more fabric, aka frosting. That is until the frosting is the wrong consistency and it just droops back down. Ok, now I really feel like crying. I wanted to make something special for Faith. And do you know what she did? SHE LAUGHED and SHE COMFORTED ME! She said how much she loved it! Then as I rushed to frost and quickly take a once in a lifetime photo, we proceeded to laugh and laugh.

Here she is blowing out the candles on the girl with no covering for her backside. Hurry, the frosting is almost in a puddle at the bottom. But she can't really blow because she is still laughing WITH me and not at me.

I love you Faith! Thank you for being my daughter. You are a Comfort to me. I pray we may always laugh our way through life instead of crying. Laugh lines are so much more attractive. ;)

Daddy Daughter Dance 2010

The relationship between a girl and her Daddy is irreplaceable. She looks to him for security & strength. She learns about love from the way he treats her mother. People often say how much a girl needs her mother, but she really does still need her Daddy.

We look forward to the Daddy Daughter Dance with much anticipation. Faith plans what she will wear, but mostly wears the look of adoration for her Dad who made the time to be with her. If you can't tell from the pictures, she loves her Dad. Aaron knows this is something you can't really replace, especially as we see her growing up. She will always be his little girl.


My Little Girl by Tim McGraw

Sometimes when you're asleep I whisper "I Love You" in the moonlight at your door
As I walk away, I hear you say, "Daddy Love You More"

Your beautiful baby from the outside in
Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again
Go on, take on this whole world
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl

Spring Break and Easter under a blanket of snow

Spring Break & Easter may have been a little strange with the snowstorm, but it didn't stop us from having some fun. Pull back out all of the snow gear and get out there and play.

They even made a new friend they wouldn't have found if the snow hadn't come.

Luke thought swinging was just as fun bundled up in all of his snow gear glory.

This fort will stop all onslaughts of attack, or will it??? They had a great time and were ready for Hot Cocoa. Are you sure it is Easter?

Well if it doesn't seem like Easter because it is cold, wet and white. Let's add some color to the world. Welcome the Window to Easter.

How old are you Luke?

I am 1. Nope, not anymore. Now you are 2.

And you will love it! You love to have adventures and to really go after life.

With a great big smile

and laughter

Nothing will stop you. Go, go, go baby!

You have a tender heart and love to read.

I often find you looking at these Corduroy books.

This was the inspiration for your cake.

This time you knew what a cake was for..... Eating. "Thank you I will help myself to those chocolate eyes." Mmmmm

We love you Babe! You are a real joy! You may cry more often than I wish, but you also bring more joy than any of us can hold. May you have many adventures as you see the world open up for you. We are already learning you are one tough hiker and want to do it yourself. This determination will be a great strength in your life. And the smiles and laughter will bless you on the journey.